Fiction Issue
A gun fits well in a big blazer pocket when kneeling to pray.
The damp chill of the red clay seeps to my knees through the grass and the thin polyester/rayon dress pants I buy for $19.99 at J.C. Penney every other year or so. Little damp splotches of moisture will show on my knees, if I rise.
I know the image I cut here in the quiet of the night, kneeling as I am before the small church sign in the little front lawn announcing the time of our Sunday service and yours truly, the Rev. Andrew Mitchell, as the pastor. I look pious. My head is bowed. My eyes are closed. I'm dressed in my cheap black pants and my cheap black blazer with the big pockets (Sears, $59.99, five years ago, now a bit too small to button around my late middle-aged belly) and my cheap black shoes ($24.99 from Wal-Mart, new this year). I look every bit the small-town pastor, perhaps praying for the church itself, perhaps praying for an ill church member. I don't brush back my hair when the breeze pushes it onto my forehead, where it sticks to the beading sweat, showing focus and concentration on prayer for the benefit of any witnesses, though I see none.
Dr. Roberts tells me I should make lists when I get upset.
"As problems grow worse in your marriage," she continues, "breaking them down into lists will help you focus on what's really the issue at hand."
We're in her office, only this time it's just me. Caroline has refused to come in yet again.
"It's not problems," I tell her. "It's the same problem it's been for the past fourteen months."
"Make a list." Dr. Roberts clicks her pen. "I'll give you a few minutes." On her clock, the minute hand stalls. I reach for her legal pad and write out the following:
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